


you've stolen a pizza my heart

by trashsshi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Pizza Place, Comedy, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, KaiBaek - Freeform, M/M, Pizza Delivery Boy Kim Jongin | Kai, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Side!ChanHun, Waiter Kim Jongin | Kai, baekhyun humiliating himself in front of his crush, baekhyun's eyeliner is always flawless, chanhun are annoying bffs, pizza puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-08-25 22:51:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16669903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashsshi/pseuds/trashsshi
Summary: If this was a porno, Jongin would be head waiter; either his nametag would read 'Mr. Foiiine' or he'd be wearing nothing but a waist apron; and he'd take Baekhyun right here on this table, pizza forgotten in favour of other appetites. Perhaps Baekhyun would lick oregano off his abs. But this is reality, a realm in which Baekhyun tends to mortify himself frequently, and he has just asked Jongin for a 'double penetration pizza' when he meant PEPPERONI PEPPERONI FUCK FUCK FUCK.[PROMPT #4]





	you've stolen a pizza my heart

There was a new pizza place down the street. Having a franchise set up in this little college town to attract the student population wouldn’t be surprising- but it wasn't a franchise. It was a local pizzeria, and that's what made it interesting, Baekhyun explained when Sehun wanted to know why he was so keen on checking it out.

Sehun wasn't having any of it. "I call bullshit. You've probably spotted a hot waiter there or something."

Chanyeol raised his palm like an Amen.

Baekhyun glared at the pair of them. "I'm not always on the lookout for hot ass, you know. Once in a while, I want hot _pizza_."

"Hypothetical question, Baek," said Sehun, "but if you were hungry and horny at the same time, would you fuck first or eat first?"

"He could eat ass," said Chanyeol lazily.

"But he likes it the other way around-"

"I'd obviously eat first! Food!" yelled Baekhyun, striding forward to wedge himself between them so that he could elbow both at the same time, viciously. "Elementary biology. Sex doesn't help maintain homeostasis; I have to eat but I don't have to get laid to survive."

Sehun side-eyed him and smirked, "Bullshit." He and Chanyeol cackled over his head. God, Baekhyun _hated_ feeling like the monkey in the middle; but considering his two best friends were assholes who always ganged up on him and were dating to boot, his suffering was a given.

The worst of it, though, wasn't that he had asshole friends, but that in this case, they were actually... not far from the truth. He'd been hurrying back to the apartment (that he shared with said asshole friends) after classes on Friday, the one day he didn't have classes in the afternoon; he'd been thinking of the bibimbap waiting in their refrigerator, the container labeled with a sticky note; he'd passed by the pizza parlour and he'd slowed down. Because it was lunchtime, and bibimbap, leftover and frozen, was nice and all, but not exactly comfort food. Also, it was a new place that he hadn't had the chance to really take in. Until now.

‘IN PIZZA WE CRUST’ said the large wooden board, the letters in black paint artistically rendered to look like charcoal. His breath fogged the glass slightly when he looked in. Large paper mache vegetables stuck out, here and there, from the walls. Half the college seemed to already have made this a hangout; he could recognize a few people he shared classes with. Weaving through them, holding a round serving tray over his head with splayed fingers, was the hottest piece of ass Baekhyun had laid _(HA, laid)_ eyes on since coming to Levensham.

Baekhyun flattened his nose against the glass but still wasn't able to read his name tag; he wiped at the glass where it was fogged up and continued to watch, enthralled, as the waiter began serving, biceps flexing invitingly as he circled the table, filling glasses and apportioning slices. After he was finished, he bowed and turned, walking back behind the scenes, and Baekhyun was pleased to note that he was quite literally a hot ass; his pants filled out perfectly and the knot of the waist apron was buoyed up by the very shapely curve of his butt.

"Look, we're almost at the apartment," Chanyeol said, breaking into his thoughts, "We can just order in." Perhaps Baekhyun's constant pouting was getting to him, just a little.

Baekhyun's mind worked quickly, especially given the ironic look Sehun threw him after Chanyeol's suggestion. "But I want, like, the whole experience. The ambiance and everything."

"And the hot waiters," supplied Sehun, most unhelpfully.

Baekhyun scowled. "Shut up."

"He hasn't even been, how'll he know whether there are hot waiters?" said Chanyeol reasonably. Baekhyun was surprised, and grateful- until Sehun retorted, "You sure he hasn't been window shopping for hot ass?" and Chanyeol cackled, smacking his boyfriend's arm, over-appreciative.

Maybe they realized they'd been winding him up past the safety limit, because Sehun said pacifically, "I'm kidding. We'll go, okay? Tomorrow lunch. We haven't gorged on junk together for a while now."

Chanyeol patted Baekhyun's head, fluffing up his fringe. The latter pointed at Sehun, eyes narrowed and triumphant. "It's a date."

Sehun quipped. "With which waiter? You'll have to introduce us."

Baekhyun ignored him, his finger unwavering. "Done deal. No backing out. Especially no pretending to back out just to rile me up. Okay?"

"Okay, Baekkie," said Chanyeol instead, tousling his head again. Baekhyun grinned at the pair of them, a couple of cowlicks standing up at the back of his head as though they'd been raised with his spirits.

* * *

 

"We're definitely not here for just the pizza if I had to tell you to calm down with the eyeliner," said Sehun, as Chanyeol found them a table, a corner one close to the counter. So that explained the speculative looks he'd been throwing Baekhyun the whole ride here.

"Excuse you, my eyeliner is flawless as always," said Baekhyun vaguely, evading the allegation. He scanned the restaurant, looking for that one Mr. Foiiine.

"I've already found us a table, Baekkie!" Chanyeol yelled, waving frantically.

Of course, Baekhyun couldn't tell him what he was _actually_ looking for, so he hurried to their table to shut him up, hissing, "Don't call me Baekkie!"

"Don't be mean to my schnookums, _Baekkie_ ," said Sehun, loudly and pointedly. He went around the table to Chanyeol's side and sat next to him, linking their arms.

"Put me off my pizza, you two have," sulked Baekhyun, taking his seat and rustling through the menu listlessly. Sehun ignored him, craning his head for a waiter (as though he wasn't tall enough to see over everything anyway, thought Baekhyun sourly) and waving one over.

Of course, it just happened to be Mr. Foiiine he'd beckoned over to them. Sehun was holding up the menu and pointing at something, but Baekhyun wasn't interested; Mr. Foiiine looked even more appetizing up close, a lock of dark hair curving forward over his perfect brow as he leaned towards Sehun. Baekhyun read his nametag: _Jongin._ He let it slip off his tongue, soft and rounded, like Jongin's ass, oh, it was a perfect name for a perfect ass.

"Yes? How may I help you, sir?"

And just like that, Baekhyun’s brain short-circuited because Jongin had just called him _sir_ and he didn't know he had that kink and Jongin calling attention to his own lips while speaking just wasn't fair, they were so _plush_ , as plush as his butt looked.

Chanyeol kicked him under the table, and despite the height of the other two factoring in making him the perpetual monkey in the middle, and despite his stinging shin, he was actually thankful for Chanyeol's long legs and unhesitating propensity for minor acts of violence. He realized he'd been staring too long at Jongin's lips, and if he didn't want to come off as a creep, had to act quickly to salvage his first impression. So he looked Jongin square in the eye, even though his heart quaked so hard that his legs shook, and Jongin- Jongin said sweetly, “What would you like to have?” and _smiled_ and Baekhyun was dazzled and his brain, most unhelpfully, first came up with _YOU I'D LIKE TO HAVE YOU PLEASETHANKYOU-_

But he couldn't fuck this up, he'd have a double pepperoni, he always had a double pepperoni, because he knew that was something he usually liked and he could save himself the trouble of decisions and order it on reflex but Jongin was so heady and _potent_ he was messing up even his reflexes, goddamnit. But he couldn't fuck up so he continued staring a dazzling, smiling Jongin in the eye, his own eyes watering and his insides melting into a gooey mess like cheese on a sizzling pizza.

He leaned back in his chair, still maintaining eye contact (gotta be cool), and concentrated hard on how he wanted a double pepperoni pizza and refused to be distracted by how he wanted those plush lips around his dick and that wonderful ass grinding on his lap and if only if it were scientifically and biologically possible to have Jongin's lips and his ass both at the same time- but he refused to be distracted- he was a Grown Ass Man, damn it; not a hormonal, virginal teenager- so he said, steadily and confidently, "A double penetration pizza, and I hope you'll be serving us for tonight, Jongin."

Dead silence followed in his wake. Jongin's dark almond eyes were widened, plush lips open soundlessly, cheeks dusted with a soft pink that was very becoming to him.

Wondering why he seemed frozen, Baekhyun glanced at the others for a clue. Chanyeol looked the way he did when he accidentally swore on Facetime with his mother (that is, if you thought 'shit' was a legitimate swear word as Church Boy Chanyeol did). Hand clapped over mouth, round eyes even rounder, just like that time. Even Sehun seemed as surprised as when his pet bichon, Vivi, executed a trick immediately upon his instruction.

Something was evidently wrong.

With dread curdling the pit of his stomach, Baekhyun thought back to what he'd said.

He jumped up, his chair falling with a crash, and clapped his hand over his mouth ten times harder than when Chanyeol swore on Facetime with his mother. He dimly registered Jongin stepping aside and Sehun calling, "Baekhyun, wait!" as he tore through the restaurant, sobs already building a crescendo of despair. He took his hands off his mouth once outside, and just kept running, the great, gasping sobs now freely spilling out.

Back in the apartment, he spent some time washing his face, removing the ruined eyeliner, then locked the door to his room and burrowed under the sheets to cry some more. His phone was ringing and ringing, but he ignored it. Eventually, it stopped ringing and buzzed with messages in a quick relay.

Wiping his snot on his pillow, Baekhyun picked it up and went to the group chat. His flatmates enjoyed when he made an ass of himself, but pathetic though it was, he needed to wail to someone about the mortification without having to recount and relive it.

@tekkenking: baekkie are u ok

@sehunile: I KNEW IT

@sehunile: I KNEW U HAD THE HOTS 4 A WAITER ALWAYSAIDSO

@sehunile: he’s not bad btw A+ ass

 

"An ass which I'll never have!" yelled Baekhyun at the phone screen.

 

@tekkenking: not the time hunny

@sehunile: tact time. right. oops

@sehunile: don’t worry

@sehunile: he mightve been turned on by ur forwardness

@tekkenking: yeah actually

@tekkenking: thats a pickup line i dont think he’d have gotten before

@tekkenking: like ever

 

Baekhyun groaned and began texting frantically.

 

@baekkingbyuns: he must think im a total weirdo

 

Almost immediately, there was the ping of a reply.

 

@tekkenking: weirdough

@baekkingbyuns: SHUT UP

@sehunile: dont listen to him schnookums im proud of u

@sehunile: that was cute

@baekkingbyuns: no it wasnt u senile

@tekkenking: omg

@tekkenking: wait

@tekkenking: sehun + senile = sehunile

@tekkenking: i never realized im

@tekkenking: babe why tho

@sehunile: its sarcastic

@tekkenking: sarcasm ur middle name

@sehunile: you get me

@baekkingbyuns: sarcasm how

@sehunile: cos im actually razor sharp

@baekkingbyuns: no ur senile

@tekkenking: but he’s younger than u

@baekkingbyuns: what

@sehunile: exactly

@sehunile: pookie you're always there 4 me

@tekkenking: i'll always be there

@tekkenking: to sharpen your edges

@tekkenking: ;).

@sehunile: o///o schnookums >///< stahp

@baekkingbyuns: wHAT

@tekkenking: ;D

@baekkingbyuns: STFU BOTH OF YOU

@baekkingbyuns: GROSS

 

He had to poke his head out of the burrito of blankets and take a deep, calming breath before continuing.

 

@sehunile: dont listen to him schnookums ur cute

@baekkingbyuns: guys im having a crisis here

@baekkingbyuns: just a polite reminder

@sehunile: well yknow how the saying goes

@sehunile: when you accidentally cut a lemon

@tekkenking: make lemonade

@sehunile: we're completing each others sentences now

@baekkingbyuns: thats not how it goes

@sehunile: pookie marry me

@baekkingbyuns: also how tf

@sehunile: leave it to me

 

Baekhyun stared at the message, warning bells going off in his head.

 

@baekkingbyuns: no thanks

@tekkenking: as your concerned friends

@tekkenking: its our noble duty

@sehunile: AWW

@baekkingbyuns: try anything funny and our centuries old friendship is at stake im not even joking

@baekkingbyuns: i forbid you from any funny business

 

Baekhyun had already had the beginnings of a headache from all the crying; now it intensified until it felt like his head was splitting open. Switching off his phone, he popped three aspirins and burrowed back under the sheets, retreating from life, the world and everything shitty.

* * *

 

The next few days were spent moping, much to his flatmates' growing impatience. He went to college sporadically, and always in sweatpants. Hyeran, immaculate in her chiffon blouses and secretary-ish ponytails, confronted him about it. "You do not step out of the house dressed like this," she said, wrinkling her nose. "And you look ill without the eyeliner."

"Doesn't matter," deadpanned Baekhyun, putting his hands in his pockets.

"You need to care!" She sat down next to him, crossing her legs and leaning into his personal space, so he couldn't ignore her. "I can't put up with this. It's highly offensive."

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow.

"To my sensibilities."

He wanted to scoff, but her lower lip was drawn up so that her chin wrinkled a little, and that's how he saw her genuine worry. Then she spoke again. "Did you get dumped?"

He scoffed. A little too loudly, so that her suspicions were only increased. "No! Why would you think that?" He said vehemently when she continued to frown at him.

"I mean I didn't think you were seeing anyone in the first place so yeah, that doesn't make sense... were you rejected?"

He huffed again before he could stop himself. He was coming off as blustering. Not helping his case any. "No! Who'd reject me?"

Hyeran eyed him up and down doubtfully.

"When I'm in form!" He said loudly. She laughed, mellowing him a little against his will.

"I don't know. But you can be really bold in your advances, and not everyone takes to that," she said, her smile staying on, warm like their friendship. He winced at her words.

"Oh-ho!" She pointed dramatically. "Have I touched a nerve?"

"No," said Baekhyun hopelessly, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Tell me about it." She rubbed at his shoulder. "Please? I'm worried."

"It's stupid, really." He sighed.  "I mean, when I'm into someone I'm up-front about it. But I'm not a weirdo or a creep. Or, well, I wasn't. And I never meant to be but-"

He stopped because his lower lip was wobbling. He fisted his hands. He couldn't cry, not now. Not in front of Hyeran, who was always so put-together.

She rubbed at his shoulder again, trying to meet his eyes, but he didn't want her to see the sheen in them. He pursed his lips, hard.

And then, once he was able to, smiled back at her wryly. "All I wanted to do was ask the guy when he finishes his shift. And ask him if he's up for a date. _If_ I could manage even that- I mean I know I usually just ask someone out if they catch my eye, if they're interested cool, if they're not, also cool, but, I didn't feel like I could just do that, I didn't feel composed around him." He shook his head. "I was sure I wasn't even going to do anything, and it still turned into a disaster." And that was how he came to tell her about it, albeit reluctantly.

He was fully prepared for her to burst out laughing, even doubling over the desk with the force of her laughter. "The best- fucking- pickup line," she gasped, clutching her middle.

"Fuck you," said Baekhyun, without any real bite.

"I know you don't swing that way," she said, straightening up and smoothing her skirt over her knees. "But seriously. What are you going to do?"

He knew she wasn't just talking about his skipping classes and not making an effort with self-care. So far, his method of dealing with the disaster had been covering the side of his face with his hand and walking very fast whenever he had to pass by the pizzeria. And once he was back at his apartment, holing up in his room, taking the blanket burrito form, and moping.

"I know it doesn't help to keep reliving my, um, humiliation," he scratched the back of his head, "But I can't stop doing it."

"Okay, look. I know this is hard, but you need to face it."

"What?"

"Just go tell him it was a slip of the tongue, you did not intend any sexual harassment, and you're sorry."

Baekhyun blanked, simply staring at her. She winked. "And you could ask him out while you're at it. Depending on how he takes your apology."

After a few beats of silence, Baekhyun pushed back from the desk so violently that it toppled over. "NO!"

Ignoring the heads that turned his way at the commotion, he hissed, "No fucking way, okay? I'd rather die."

Hyeran just crossed her arms like _Oh? Then let's see you come up with a plan of action better than mine. And fucking put the desk back upright_.

"I'll just..." he cast about, "I'll move away. Far away where I'll never run into him again." That was it. That's what he'd do. Couldn't be a better idea- no matter how unimpressed Hyeran looked. "Yeah. I'll do that. I'll transfer my credits to another college somewhere halfway across the country."

She shook her head. "You're not serious."

He made a face that he hoped conveyed bravado and gravitas. She said, "God, Baek, stop. No. You're not-"

"I'm serious," he insisted.

"Do that AFTER you try apologizing to him. Baek, please!" She threw up her hands. "If he takes it badly, do whatever the hell you want. And I promise I'll... try not to interfere."

Baekhyun gave her a slow, uncertain smile. She returned it encouragingly. He didn't know if he would actually be able to bring himself to approach Jongin again, ever. But she had convinced him to try to get himself to a better place first, instead of being so hard on himself. And if that was a place from which walking towards Jongin head-on would become easier... well then he'd see.

* * *

 

He went jogging one morning, after that conversation with Hyeran. She’d be proud if she knew. It felt like a lot of effort, having to change back from his blanket burrito form, having to get out of bed at all, but at least he didn’t have to change- not that he did that often these days, he thought, padding into the kitchen for a long drink of water. He only changed from his house slippers into sneakers.

The air was nippy, and after a few rounds, the slow rush of adrenaline uplifted him, a warm buzz, a pleasant pull at his muscles. He rested his hands on his knees, breathing loud lungfuls of cold air, feeling like himself again.

* * *

 

He cheered up a little after that. His funks generally didn't last long, he was rather positive and energetic ("Thank God you're not my son," said Hyeran once, "It wears me down so much just being friends with you." Whereupon Baekhyun bopped her on the nose, all affectionate, and she flipped her hair in his face, laughing as he almost cricked his neck trying to avoid it). Sehun and Chanyeol were more than eager to help if it meant they didn't have to deal with his mopey ass (Sehun's words, not his). They went to a noraebang one weekend, and Baekhyun belted it out while wiggling his hips in a way that had Chanyeol rolling.

"Careful, your pants might slip off," said Sehun, when Baekhyun got encouraged by Chanyeol's hearty appreciation of his dancing and wiggled ever more exaggeratedly. He reassured Sehun that his sweatpants only _looked_ loose, despite how low he wore them; "You don't know how wide my hips are."

"I do. I'm monogamous," said Sehun contradictorily. Baekhyun peered at him, still wiggling. "Are you drunk already?"

Sehun gave him his signature look of deep scorn. "I don't get drunk."

Baekhyun briefly considered pointing out that he had gotten together with Chanyeol after a drunk make-out session, finally breaking too many years of sexual tension, but decided he had better things to do. Like wiggle his hips right up close in Sehun's personal space to piss him off more, being cheered on by Chanyeol all the while. He always made sure to make the most of those rare moments one of the _other_ two were the monkey in the middle.

* * *

 

Chanyeol and Sehun were having a lover's tiff, which Baekhyun always found wearisome because it was abundantly clear to everyone except themselves, apparently, that they always got back together again. Nobody took their tiffs seriously except themselves.

Maybe it did some good, though, because it had Baekhyun stop moping in favour of comforting someone else: Chanyeol.

He walked in on him Monday, lolling on the couch in an attitude of utter melancholy while the TV ran in front of him. After a moment of deliberation, Baekhyun sighed and went to sit next to him.

"What happened with you two?"

He thought this was an improvement over the Chanyeol of yesterday, who pulled off the tie of his Sunday suit, threw it on the ground and stamped on it with his polished Sunday shoes, then flopped face down on the couch. When Baekhyun had called his name to tell him to pull himself together, he had lifted his face, alarming Baekhyun with bleary-eyed tears.

"He was mad because I cancelled on our date because I wanted to start going to church again." Chanyeol-of-the-present exhaled slowly, sticking another spoonful of yoghurt into his mouth (Sehun had taken the tub of peanut butter ice cream into their room, and Chanyeol had refused to enter their room since his meltdown; he'd slept on the couch last night). "I explained to him that this meant a lot to me, and then he went all, oh so our date's not important. Like that's not what I was saying and he knows that. He was being hurtful on purpose. When he kept following me around and singing 'Take Me to Church'?"

"I remember," said Baekhyun, except for him it was simply annoying to have to hear Sehun's nasally voice destroy a legendary masterpiece or... really just having to hear Sehun's nasally voice singing.

"He knows it was a struggle after we got together, finding another church because it wasn't accepting of us and... he knows what I went through because I didn't want to give this up."

"Church-going," nodded Baekhyun.

"Yeah. And it's been falling by the wayside lately, because what with thesis-writing and just, college, and I want to give Sehun time and I _do_ give him time, yeah this was a spur of the moment thing but why couldn't he let it go? Just once?"

Baekhyun took the remote from Chanyeol's slack fingers and switched the TV off. "Bring him out right now, and talk to him." He didn't know how Sehun didn't apologize already, with Chanyeol shuffling around looking like a kicked puppy, but no matter. "Tell him you're sorry you didn't tell him about the change of plan beforehand but that that's because the change of plan wasn't beforehand. You understand his anger but the way he responded was hurtful and you'd like him to apologize too, go." He pushed at Chanyeol's shoulder, but that only caused him to flop more floppily against the arm of the couch. Baekhyun made a frustrated noise.

"That's not going to fix this," Chanyeol said in a dead voice, as though his rant had made him completely spent. "It's over."

"Oh yeah?" Baekhyun challenged. "Can you get your ass over there and break up with him, then? Let's see you do it."

Chanyeol swallowed, bleary eyes filling with tears. Just as Baekhyun panicked, Sehun walked into the living room.

"Fuck you." And then-"We're monogamous," Sehun added, hastily and contradictorily. He met Chanyeol's eyes, and Baekhyun caught a twitch in his facade. "Aren't we?"

"...Yeah," croaked Chanyeol. When Sehun flung himself onto the couch (and Chanyeol) for their tearful reunion, Baekhyun scooted out of there, yelling over his shoulder that it better not involve any other bodily fluids.

* * *

 

The moment he entered class, Baekhyun felt rather than saw a few heads turn in his direction. He'd attracted stares when he'd first shown up to class in sweatpants, too, but he hadn't felt self-conscious then due to having more humiliating memories on his mind. Now, though, he walked a little faster to his seat.

"You're looking so good today!" said Hyeran delightedly, as she moved her bag to make a place for him.

"My eyeliner is always flawless," he said, waving his hand with an exaggerated air of smugness.

To his horror, she tilted her head and made puppy eyes at him. "Awww, Hyunnie!"

"Nope. Don't want to hear it," he muttered, opening his books quickly; it was bad enough that it reminded him of Chanyeol's nickname for Sehun, on top of that, Hyeran using it was- no other word for it- ominous. Relentless, she cooed, "I'm such a proud mama."

"You once said you're glad I'm not your son."

"You know what would make me an even prouder mama?" She leaned forward, a gleam in her eyes. "Now that you're in form if you took another stab at it."

"No."

"Honestly it's not such a big deal-"

"Drop it," threatened Baekhyun, "or I'm moving seats."

She gave a sigh, maternal and condescending, as though he was a stubborn, difficult child. But she didn't bring it up again.

* * *

 

His phone rang just as he was packing his bag.

"Hey, you coming straight home?" said Chanyeol.

"I was thinking of hanging out at the library for a while," said Baekhyun, "or the cafe; get some studying done. Why?" During the time he'd slacked off, the work had piled up. Now that he had his motivation back, he intended to catch up.

"Ditch for today," said Chanyeol, and it made Baekhyun smile; that he thought Baekhyun had plans to meet someone in the library and study together.

"Or bring them along!" Sehun's voice called, and then, louder as the mobile changed hands, "We're celebrating."

"What's the occasion?" Baekhyun smiled wider. They thought he was a lot more social than he actually was. If he could study in a group he would, he supposed, but he got distracted unless he was alone somewhere quiet.

"A farewell." He could hear the affectionate snark even without seeing Sehun's eyes, the quirk of his lips. "To your mopey ass."

Baekhyun huffed out a laugh. "I'm touched."

"So you're coming," said Sehun, and hung up. Baekhyun gaped, slightly affronted before he remembered they were doing this for him. He slipped the phone into the back pocket of his jeans with a sigh. He'd go, but he'd just have to get away as quick as he could manage.

When he got home, he was welcomed by Sehun tooting a party blower and Chanyeol popping a balloon an inch too close to his face. "Yah!" He swatted at them. "Celebrating, my ass! It's like you're punishing me!"

"But we even put up streamers," Chanyeol whined, pushing out his lower lip. It was more effective than Baekhyun wanted it to be.

"Pizza is on the way," singsonged Sehun, punctuating it with a toot. "Our treat."

"Well," said Baekhyun, slightly mollified. "Fine." And he proceeded to help blow up more balloons in the meantime, scolding Chanyeol whenever he sneakily popped one.

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang. Baekhyun wanted to smell the pizza even before it was through the door and on the table, but sadly, he was partway through blowing up a balloon and needed all his breath for that. Sehun went to answer the door.

"Thanks. Hey, uh, could you step in and put it on the table?"

"Sure," said the pizza guy, and Sehun stepped aside for him to pass. He had a red cap pulled down over his eyes, but after setting down the boxes of pizza in his arms, he pulled it off and ran his hand through his hair, fluffing it up. It fell in thick, dark locks over his forehead. Dark chocolate on caramel.

Baekhyun gasped and stopped breathing. Jongin turned around and caught his horrified gaze. They stared at each other while the air frittered out of Baekhyun's balloon with a snorting sound.

Chanyeol cleared his throat. Baekhyun was steadily deflating under Jongin's stare. He wished a balloon would pop, or the earth split open and swallow him up, or Sehun tell Jongin thanks and send him on his way.

Instead, Sehun said cheerily, “Hey, your name’s Jongin?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Jongin fiddled with his name tag.

“Slice to meet you, Jongin.”

If he had the air in him, Baekhyun would groan.

“Sorry to put you on the spot, but Baekhyun has something to say to you," continued Sehun.

Baekhyun wanted to curse Sehun, Sehun's ancestors, his entire bloodline, everyone who contributed to his being born on this godforsaken earth- but he didn't have the air to speak. He didn't have the air to wail his apologies at Jongin's feet. He had deflated completely.

"Yeah, he’s been wanting to impress you with more pizza jokes,” chipped in Chanyeol, “but he can’t work out the delivery.”

Jongin made a sound somewhere between a chuckle and an exhale. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do here, but it isn’t working. I need to be on my way-”

“What happened last time," said Sehun quickly, "he really didn't mean it."

"Right," said Jongin. His gaze shifted. So did his feet. He looked terribly uncomfortable, and maybe that's what turned the key in Baekhyun's back- that _he_ had done that to him, that he'd put him in an uncomfortable situation _again_.

Baekhyun gasped and started breathing. "I'm so sorry," he babbled. "You have no idea how sorry I am I swear I meant to say double pepperoni I always have double pepperoni oh my god I'm sorry for running away instead of clearing it up then and there I mean it was so embarrassing but I should've thought I'm so sorry it would've been worse for you I swear I didn't mean to s-sexually harass you!" As though the situation wasn't mortifying enough, his eyes had begun streaming freely.

Jongin wouldn't look at him. Baekhyun hiccuped.

"'Twas a slip of the tongue," said Chanyeol.

"Do you forgive him?" said Sehun.

Jongin still wouldn't look at him, but he gave two small nods. A cascade of feelings rushed through Baekhyun, and his eyes streamed more than ever. "Th-" he was interrupted by another cursed hiccup. "Thank you so muhhhh," his words dissolved into glubbing, and Chanyeol ambled over to rub his back. He was on the verge of elbowing Chanyeol with all the force he could muster because even if Sehun was the mastermind of this humiliation, Chanyeol was definitely in on it, but then he heard a sound.

It was more chuckle, less exhale. And it came from Jongin.

"I know you didn't mean it because of the way you jumped up and ran off," said Jongin. His face was still red, but he was meeting Baekhyun's eye and his lips had quirked up just a bit. "I'm sorry, too. I was so taken aback. I could've followed you, told you it was okay, but I didn't. I didn't even think of it at the time."

Baekhyun hiccuped.

"And obviously it'd be difficult to approach him _after_ the incident, right?" cut in Sehun suddenly.

Jongin looked faintly surprised. "Yeah."

"Even if you ran into him after the incident it would've just been awkward."

"Yeah."

Baekhyun hiccuped, wishing Sehun would stop referring to it as 'the incident'. It made it sound criminal, like something that might be reported in the papers, instead of his entirely innocent- well, entirely unintentional- slip of tongue.

"So you're glad we set this up, right? Would have been difficult to resolve otherwise?" Sehun chirped, delighted. "We did the right thing?"

"I guess so, yeah," Jongin mumbled, eyes flitting to Baekhyun briefly.

"H-hold up," hiccuped Baekhyun. The rush of relief hadn't abated yet, but he was feeling the stirrings of something mutinous.

"Sit down," said Chanyeol to Jongin, gesturing randomly to the couch, then to the chairs around the table.

"That's all right, I should be going."

"Other deliveries to do?"

"Right, yeah."

Sehun smiled, slow and sinister. "Will you be seeing Baekhyun around?"

Jongin blinked. "What?"

Baekhyun gave a panicked hiccup. "N-nothing!" He flapped his hands. "Won't k-keep you-"

"Oh I think he's a _keeper_ ," Sehun hissed in his ear.

"Baekhyun wants to ask for your number," said Chanyeol loudly.

"No I don't!" yelled Baekhyun.

Chanyeol not-so-subtly stepped on his foot.

"W-when do you get off work?" he yelped, hopping on the spot and massaging it.

Jongin smiled, sweetly. "I don't want to give you my number yet." He zipped his delivery bag and hitched it onto one shoulder, putting his cap back on. "I'll see you around, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun nodded dumbly. Jongin walked out, leaving him hiccuping pathetically.

After a beat of silence, Sehun high-fived Chanyeol.

Baekhyun rushed to the kitchen and had a long drink of water. He put the glass down and went completely still for a minute, his stance alert.

He hiccuped.

Sehun sat down at the table to laugh at him.

Chanyeol, very helpfully, popped a balloon by his ear unprompted. Baekhyun jumped.

He waited a minute.

He didn't hiccup.

Immediately, he turned on the other two. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Calm down," said Sehun smugly. "It was all for your own good."

"It turned out okay, dinnit," said Chanyeol.

"WHY WOULD YOU ORDER FROM THAT PLACE OF ALL THE FUCKING PLACES-"

"Because," deadpanned Sehun, "We wanted to ask for a _specific_ delivery guy to come."

Well, you could have fucking warned me at the very least, thought Baekhyun, getting tearful again. "Why didn't you tell me you were ordering pizza?"

"Because we knew what you'd want."

"Double pepperoni, you always have double pepperoni."

Out of retorts, Baekhyun resorted to, "Fuck you."

"No, fuck _you_. We're monogamous," Sehun said, examining his nails.

"But you're both okay with each other now, you and the pizza guy," said Chanyeol.

"And that's who you want to fuck," said Sehun, still in his unwavering inspection of his nails.

"FUCK YOU," glubbed Baekhyun tearfully. "He didn't want to give me his number. And I mean why would he. You made me ask him-"

Sehun sighed in a long-suffering manner. "YET." He looked to Chanyeol for support. "Didn't he say YET?" In his over-emphasis of the word, putting too much air into it, he pronounced it ‘yehet’.

"He did," confirmed Chanyeol.

"Clearly. Distinctly. Succinctly." said Sehun, enunciating each word as though he was driving nails into a coffin. Baekhyun picked a pepperoni off a pizza and threw it at his face. It slid down onto the table, from where Baekhyun picked it up and popped it into his mouth savagely.

Sehun continued as if nothing had happened. " _And_ he said he'd see you around. Didn't he say he'd see him around?"

"He did," nodded Chanyeol.

"I wonder what he meant by that?"

"If I had to hazard a guess," drawled Chanyeol, "I think he's interested in meeting him again."

"Thank you, schnookums."

"Both of you," said Baekhyun, "can fuck off. Not that you need telling.” He picked up his pizza box with both arms and he stormed off to his room, setting it on the desk before he slammed the door behind him. He collapsed on the bed and withdrew into a blanket burrito, poking his head out briefly when he heard his phone ding.

 

@tekkenking: im sorry we got jalapeno business baekkie

 

Baekhyun groaned and burrowed back under the sheets.

* * *

 

They took their seats, Baekhyun with trepidation, Hyeran with mounting excitement.

"Where is he?" she mouthed at him, whipping her head around.

"Stop it," hissed Baekhyun, "we're here only for pizza."

"Oh come off it."

Baekhyun pouted, poking the papier mache vegetable sticking out next to his head. "I don't want to bother him."

He heard laughter. Familiar, delectable laughter.

He dropped his hand to his lap as though he’d touched a hot iron. He pressed it between his knees, daring to glance at Jongin from beneath his fringe.

Jongin's eyes were crinkled at the corners as he regarded Baekhyun. He seemed to not notice Hyeran ogling him avidly. "You're allowed to touch."

"Um," said Baekhyun brilliantly. The only thing his brain could come up with was how suggestive that sounded, absolutely the last thing he needed from it right now; it was because his mind followed this track that he'd landed himself in a sticky situation last time. Not that kind of sticky situation-

"What would you like to order?" said Jongin, inclining his head towards Hyeran.

"The kind with anchovies," she said.

"That'll be a Pizza Napoli," said Jongin.

"Cool."

Jongin turned to Baekhyun. "And you?"

He wanted a double pepperoni. But he couldn't bring himself to say it. He didn't know whether he thought it'd get garbled on the way to his mouth again or what; all he knew was he was still traumatized.

"A double pepperoni," said Hyeran, coming to his rescue. "He always has double pepperoni."

"I'll remember that," said Jongin, flashing Baekhyun a grin. "Anything else?"

"Two root beer floats," Hyeran replied, "That'll be all."

After Jongin bowed and walked away, Hyeran rapped the table with her knuckles. Baekhyun leaned forward, hesitant but obedient. She stage-whispered, "He's learning your preferences!"

"It's nothing more than customer service," Baekhyun growled, leaning back and folding his arms. "And we're not talking about this anymore."

* * *

 

He jogged faster, little doses of exhilaration making his hair bounce and working the stiffness out of his limbs. Sometimes it felt like this was the only way he could wake himself up for morning classes.

He smiled at the passersby jogging or walking their dogs, because he was in a smiley sort of mood. Out of nowhere, an excitable biscuit-coat poodle ran through his legs, and he almost stumbled. It yapped at him, bounding out of the way only to weave nimbly through his legs again. This seemed to be its idea of a game because its tail was wagging happily and if Baekhyun tried to move away it aimed for his legs again. Unfortunately, his legs got tangled in its long leash in the process.

Baekhyun stopped trying to ask it where its owner was. “Here, you’ll trip me up if you’re not caref-”

With a happy yap, the poodle circled his legs once, so that the leash tightened around them, trussing him up, and then he was falling backward-

And someone caught him around his waist.

“I’m so sorry- it’s his favourite game and I can’t seem to train him out of it.” said a voice in his ear- which Baekhyun recognised immediately. He had to repress a pleasurable shiver.

Jongin righted him, then found the awkward process of untangling Baekhyun would be easier if he wasn’t standing; so Baekhyun lowered his buttocks to the pavement with the other’s help and stretched his legs out for him to untangle.

“Monggu, you’ve been naughty,” said Jongin, sumptuous lips even plusher in a pout. “I told you this was a naughty game, didn’t I? How many times have I told you?” Monggu wiggled impatiently. “Hold still!” he scolded, “I have to untie Baekhyun-hyung. If you’re not going to be sorry you can at least be good until I take care of your mess.”

“Maybe your dog is trying to tell you something,” said Baekhyun with a tentatively flirty eyebrow quirk.

Jongin threw his head back and laughed. “Like those matchmaking dogs in ads? Yeah, maybe Monggu wants me to kidnap you and take you home!” He winked, very roguish. Baekhyun blushed from the neck up.

“Okay, done,” said Jongin too soon, getting to his feet and holding his hand out to Baekhyun to help him up.

For a moment they stood looking at each other, Baekhyun’s hand in Jongin’s, and Baekhyun said, “Thanks.” The corners of his mouth lifted up in a soft, almost comfortable, smile.

Jongin swallowed with a nod, his eyes flicking down, lids fluttering. “Oh!” He pointed. “Your laces are undone.”

“Thanks for noticing!” Baekhyun bent down and began tying them. “Or I’d have tripped again despite your troubles.”

“No problem.”

“By the way, how did you know I’m your hyung?”

“Some of the people who know you from college are regulars at the pizzeria. I overheard them talking about you sometimes.”

“Oh, so you knew which year I’m in.”

“Yep.”

Monggu had been straining on the leash throughout the conversation, Jongin winding the leash in his fist to draw him closer, only to have it unravel when Monggu strained particularly hard. Now Monggu padded behind Baekhyun, then rushed at him with a very loud yap, like _stop hogging my owner’s attention for so long, you attention whore._

Startled, Baekhyun fell forward.

Into a faceful of Jongin’s crotch.

* * *

 

He scrambled back at once, Monggu’s continuous yips muffled through the ringing in his ears. This could not be happening. Lightning didn’t strike the same place twice. Surely he hadn’t woken up at all for an early morning run but was rather dreaming it. This was all just a bad dream

He bit his arm and cried. It hurt. Painfully real.

He jumped to his feet and ran, but the next thing he knew, Jongin was after him, calling, ‘Hyung, wait!’, Monggu yapping like a siren. It would’ve been appropriate if his tears were flying back with the wind dramatically, anime-style, but it felt instead like they were drying rapidly on his face thanks to the wind.

After a few minutes of blind sprinting, he chanced glancing back. Monggu was scurrying so quickly that his little legs were a blur, the leash trailing in the air behind him, not touching the ground for a moment despite its length. Jongin was red in the face and panting with his mouth open, like his dog.

A wave of guilt crashed over Baekhyun and he stopped fleeing as abruptly as he’d started. He waited while Jongin caught his breath, doubled up with his hands on his knees, Monggu planting himself on the pavement and scratching behind his ear with his leg.

“I’m sorry,” said Baekhyun, voice warbling with choked up tears, and Jongin held up a hand, still catching his breath.

“It’s okay,” breathed Jongin, “you didn’t do it on purpose.”

Baekhyun didn’t know why Jongin would trust him doing something perverted accidentally-not-on-purpose _twice_ as coincidence, but he was grateful as hell. He sank to his knees shakily. Jongin crouched down and put a cautious hand around his shoulder. Monggu made puppy eyes at him, as though sharing his emotions of brimming over with gratitude.

Baekhyun sniffed a few times and said, “Thanks.”

Jongin smiled. “Can you stand?”

“Y-yeah.”

“I’ll walk you home.”

Wide-eyed, Baekhyun said, “You don’t have to.”

Jongin only smiled wider. “I’ll also walk you to college. My workplace is on the way.”

Baekhyun stood up and began walking beside Jongin, wary yet triumphant. His heart-rate didn’t seem to drop despite his leisurely pace; he still felt warm and short of breath… and he knew why. He pretended to check the time on his phone just to surreptitiously see his reflection. He had to hold back a grimace; he still had a cowlick or two standing up because he was in the habit of completely taming his bedhead only before class. He didn’t want to try flattening it because it never worked, also he’d look self-conscious _and_ draw more attention to them.

They were at his street way too soon. “We’re here,” said Baekhyun, once they were in front of his gate.

“I’ll pick you up in an hour,” said Jongin, waving and walking back. Baekhyun closed the gate and had to fight the urge to climb on it and lean over to wave until he had rounded the corner.

* * *

 

Baekhyun dressed with more care than he usually did, putting on plenty of eyeliner. Then he worried about whether he overdid it.

“How’s my eyeliner?” he asked Sehun urgently.

“‘Flawless as always’,” quoted Sehun, grinning. Baekhyun shouldn’t have expected any better.

He’d been standing in front of the mirror scrutinizing for a good three minutes when Sehun tired of it and spoke. “Is it a date with-”

“No,” said Baekhyun too quickly, then crossed his arms.

“Your eyeliner looks flawless as always,” said Sehun, no irony in his voice, almost kind.

Baekhyun blinked. “Oh. Am I cute?” He puffed out his cheeks and pouted his lips.

“Get out of here!” Sehun pushed him out the door, Baekhyun having to double back and squeeze past him to grab his water bottle.

* * *

 

“Hey.” Jongin looked unfairly hot. The first three buttons of his shirt were undone so that Baekhyun could see the line of his pecs, and his sleeves were rolled up. Baekhyun had to take a moment to just gape at him, and maybe his mouth was slightly open, because Jongin ran his hand through his hair self-consciously, eyes fluttering down- and _that_ was unfairly hot.

“Hey,” said Baekhyun when he found his voice again. “Um. You’re going to the restaurant?”

“Yup.”

“You’re not wearing the uniform though.” Baekhyun jerked his foot experimentally and found he could move his legs again. His knees had gone kind of numb and wobbly for a second there.

“I’ll change there,” said Jongin, falling into step beside Baekhyun. “I have a staff locker.”

“I see.”

They walked a while in silence. Baekhyun observed Jongin for signs that he was finding it awkward, but he seemed comfortable.

Too soon, they were at Baekhyun’s campus. Multitudes of students were going in and milling around.

“At some point I’ll be attending at the same time as you,” said Jongin half-musingly, drinking it all in. “We might cross each other in the hallways or the library.”

“Y-you’re planning to attend?”

“I’ve finished a couple of semesters, actually. I took a break to work for tuition.”

“Wow.”

Jongin smiled, slipping his hands into his pockets. Unfairly hot.

“Um. What’s your major?”

“Economics.” Jongin grimaced.

Baekhyun giggled. “Oh. Mine’s Environmental Biology.”

“Nice!”

“Yours is nice too.”

“Thanks for the motivation.” Jongin cuffed him on the shoulder, cheeks bunching up into his eyes.

“I suppose you have to be going, huh,” Baekhyun pouted. Jongin grinned impossibly wider, and reached out, then seemed to think better of it. He swallowed, hand falling back to his side.

Baekhyun blinked, then pouted again, puffing out his cheeks. Hoping he’d do whatever he’d been about to.

Jongin chuckled, stuffing his hand back in his pocket.

Baekhyun deflated his cheeks and said glumly, “Bye, then.”

“Yeah…” Jongin shuffled his feet. “Uh. Whenever you come for pizza, you can ask for me.”

“Really?” Baekhyun brightened.

“Yeah, if I see you when you come in I’ll do my best to be the one serving you, but you could also ask.”

“Thanks,” said Baekhyun, his chest alight with the warm fuzzies.

Jongin nodded, kicking at a stone like a shy schoolboy. “So… bye then.”

“Bye,” Baekhyun echoed, resolving to go for pizza again _soon_.

* * *

 

Baekhyun couldn’t help it; he dragged Hyeran to the pizzeria the very next day. Almost as soon as he was seated, Jongin came over to place a menu between them and set out napkins and cutlery.

Baekhyun grinned at him.

Jongin grinned back, and _winked_.

Baekhyun stood the menu open on the table and ducked behind it to spazz silently, while Hyeran went, “Oooooh, I saw that!”

When he had composed himself somewhat, he turned the leaves of the menu in a desultory fashion, not really attentive and still spazzing inwardly. It was a very humid day and they’d walked here in the sun, so he picked up his tissue and dabbed at his face, only half-attentive to Hyeran saying something about how they must’ve run out of napkins. He didn’t want his eyeliner to smudge because of the sweat.

Jongin came over with a notepad ready to take their order, and Baekhyun smiled at him, ready for another wink. Jongin’s eyes widened, then he pressed his lips together. Baekhyun tilted his head, wondering whether his eyeliner had been ruined even before they got here. Then he heard Hyeran stifle a giggle.

He turned to her, but she shook her head, hand over her mouth. Then Jongin was leaning towards him.

“Excuse me,” Jongin murmured, “sir, would you come with me for a moment?”

Well, he was ready follow Jongin to the ends of the earth, any time. Jongin had only to say the word. (The word in question being ‘sir’, in that deliciously low murmur.) Baekhyun got up, nodding happily. Jongin ushered him into the back of the restaurant… into the washroom.

He didn’t know why Jongin would want him here. Or maybe he did.

All such thoughts, part smug yet disbelieving, and part turned on and anticipatory, fled the moment he saw himself in the mirror over the sink.

His eyeliner was flawless, as always. But there were ink splotches all over his face. And some of them had spread thanks to his sweat. And thanks to him dabbing them over a wider area with the tissue. He couldn’t comprehend how such a thing had happened, but he was horrified.

He met Jongin’s eyes in the mirror, and the latter bit his lip but couldn’t hold back a chuckle.

“I’m going to fetch a hand towel,” said Jongin, putting his hands on his shoulders. “Don’t run away!”

“I won’t,” pouted Baekhyun. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how it happened.” He put his hands over his face. But then he felt another pair of hands, warm and callused, pry them apart.

Jongin held his hands and gazed at his face as though trying to memorize it in its present condition. “Don’t be sorry. You’re adorable, don’t you know?”

“Urk,” made its way out of Baekhyun’s throat, as his brain short-circuited again. He couldn’t even process what was happening as Jongin leaned forward and gave him a peck on the lips, coming away with a speck of ink on his nose and the sunniest smile Baekhyun had ever seen.

He left Baekhyun with an army of the warm fuzzies attacking his insides. After returning with the hand towel, he ran water over it, wrung it out and brought it to Baekhyun, cupping his face with his free hand.

“Close your eyes. Water might run into them.” Baekhyun obeyed. The soft, wet towel sponged at the side of his face.

Jongin chuckled. “I thought I was being so smooth.”

“With the kiss?” Baekhyun licked his lips. “That _was_ smooth.”

“I meant the tissue,” said Jongin, voice still full of mirth. “I guess I made up for it with the kiss, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wrote my number on the tissue. Couldn’t use a biro, that’d tear through, so I had to use gel.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun was mind-blown.

“Yeah… when I first got the idea I didn’t think it’d work, cause I obviously can’t write on the napkins. But I thought like, since we usually give napkins you’d look at it twice if it was a tissue.”

“I completely missed it,” said Baekhyun, the warm fuzzies buzzing _Jongin wanted to give you his number_ through his being.

“Yeah. Cute.”

Baekhyun badly wanted to see Jongin’s face at that moment, but there was water dripping off his eyebrows so he desisted. Finally, Jongin daubed at him with the dry side of the towel, and Baekhyun opened his eyes, beaming sunshine right back at Jongin.

* * *

 

Baekhyun was too dazed to answer Hyeran’s excited questions when he returned to their table. The world seemed like an extension of his own condition: warm and fuzzy around the edges. When Jongin brought them their pizza, he also brought a napkin for Baekhyun, clearing the used, inky tissue with a cheeky grin that made Baekhyun’s cheeks burn.

He was still dazed when they stood up to leave, and he was almost out of the door when Jongin stopped him and gently divested him of the red-checked napkin, which he’d tucked under his chin and forgotten about.  Jongin huffed, fondly exasperated, then whispered to “Check the bill.”

Baekhyun blinked, then slipped his hand into his pocket. He pulled out the bill and, smoothing it, saw that Jongin’s number was scrawled on the back. Before he could think twice about maintaining his composure, he had pressed it to his chest with a giddy smile. Jongin’s lips brushed his cheek, and he looked up quickly, heart thudding, but Jongin only smiled and ruffled his hair lightly before sending him on his way.

* * *

 

Baekhyun could hardly believe it. He was going on a date with Jongin.

He was going on a date with Jongin!

The prospect was so exciting that he was up at the first sliver of sunlight that wriggled through the chink in the curtains. He lay there, blinking at the ceiling, then kicked at the sheets in a burst of excitement before sitting up and patting his cheeks to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. The day had well and truly dawned.

He sang blithely in the shower, and wore the plaid shirt and corduroys he’d set out the night before after an agony of deliberation. Jongin had said he’d planned a picnic, so even though he hadn’t asked him to, Baekhyun was going to take something along. He assumed Jongin would bring sandwiches and lemonade, so he decided on a coleslaw salad, and plums pickled with ginger.

Baekhyun had just finished packing everything neatly and was wishing he had a pretty wickerwork basket instead of his collapsible plastic one, when he heard the doorbell. Chanyeol and Sehun answered it before he could- they were cuddling in the living room while he bustled around the kitchenette.

“Oh, are you taking him out on a date?” said Chanyeol enthusiastically, as Baekhyun hurried into the living room with a breathless “Hi!”

“I am,” said Jongin, with a bitten-lipped smile at Baekhyun. He looked like something baked beautifully and left on the windowsill to cool, especially when his lips came away all puffy and red and wet-sheened. His t-shirt was hugging and defining _everything_. And those skinny jeans would surely be the death of Baekhyun.

“That’s good and you have our blessing and all that, but fair warning,” said Sehun, “he can be pretty _saucy_.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. Jongin said with a quiet chuckle, “That sounds delicious, actually,” and winked at Baekhyun.

“Ooooooooh!” Chanyeol nudged him.

Baekhyun blinked very hard and swallowed even harder. “Um. I’ll go get the picnic hamper.”

“I made one!” Jongin pointed to where he’d set it down on the doorstep.

“I made one too,” smiled Baekhyun, “hopefully it’s different.”

* * *

 

“Wait, is that a tablecloth from the pizzeria?” said Baekhyun, watching Jongin spread the red-checked picnic blanket on the grassy ground.

“Hush, don’t tell anyone,” quipped Jongin. Once it was spread, you couldn’t tell, except it was thinner than picnic blankets usually were.

Baekhyun laughed. “It’s perfect.”

Jongin had brought sandwiches- tomato, avocado and smoked chicken- with creamy artichoke pizza and a large flask of lemonade.

“Wow,” exclaimed Baekhyun, sniffing the pizza softly, puppylike.

“I thought I'd have you try something other than double pepperoni. We should eat it hot,” said Jongin, ruffling Baekhyun’s hair with a grin.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve thought that you’d pack enough for both of us.”

“Don’t be. We can have a bit of everything and reheat the rest for dinner. Speaking of which, want to have dinner at my place?” said Jongin. “Unless you’re busy later?”

“I’m not,” said Baekhyun eagerly. Jongin rested a hand on his knee, and something jumped in his throat, making his voice wobble. “I’d love that.”

“Great,” smiled Jongin, hand moving up to thumb circles on the inside of his thigh. Scorching circles, even through the thick denim.

He removed his hand and raised his glass of lemonade to his lips, licking over them after a sip. Baekhyun gulped his own, trying to cool down.

Gradually Baekhyun’s nervousness faded, only to be replaced by another kind of tension, taut and electrifying. Jongin had been talking about a favourite cafe of his where they had live music nights, often with some interesting local acts, and Baekhyun had wondered shyly whether perhaps they could go there for their next date.

Then, “There’s a leaf in your hair,” said Jongin, picking it off.

Baekhyun blinked, turning pink. “Ah. Thanks.”

Jongin lightly stroked the line of his jaw with it, and then the hollow of his neck, his gaze dark... then broke the spell by laughing. “You looked so cute with it on your head I wanted to take a picture! Almost as cute as when your hair stands up!”

Baekhyun tore up a blade of grass and fiddled with it. “Stop it,” he pouted, trying not to grin and yelling when Jongin pinched his cheek.

The sun slipped lower in the sky. Baekhyun was surprised the afternoon had flown by so quickly. Part of him didn’t want the date to end, but he was mostly content to just sit next to Jongin and pay time no mind.

Eventually, Jongin hummed, “We should get going.”

“Yeah,” sighed Baekhyun, then smiled his cheeks full. “I had a lovely time.”

“Hey, the date’s not over yet,” grinned Jongin, chucking him lightly under the chin.

They got to their feet and packed up. A corner of Baekhyun’s shirt was tucked. Jongin reached out and untucked it, and after a moment’s hesitation, swiped his finger under the band of Baekhyun’s corduroys. His fingers were still cold from holding his glass of lemonade. Baekhyun shivered right to the synapse.

Nothing out of the ordinary took place in the next few minutes, just them walking companionably. They were almost at Jongin’s place. But Baekhyun’s nerve endings only crackled louder, the crackle of snow scrunched underfoot.

Aware that he was stepping on ice, Baekhyun slipped a hand into the back pocket of Jongin’s jeans, and squeezed.

Jongin gasped, then turned at met Baekhyun’s eye squarely, biting his lip.

Baekhyun moved his hand up, resting on his waist. Jongin grabbed his wrist- Baekhyun’s insides jumped; he wondered whether he’d misread everything and made a mistake- and dragged him into the building.

He didn’t let go his wrist even in the elevator, and it made Baekhyun tremble, knowing that he could feel the jump of his pulse, that he pressed into it with his thumb as unconsciously as he was gritting his teeth.

Baekhyun was backed against the door the moment they entered Jongin’s apartment. Jongin crashed their lips together and kissed him, deep and filthy, pinning his wrist above his head. Baekhyun keened.

Jongin broke away too soon, panting. “How should I serve you tonight- _sir_ ?” he whispered, then drew back, smirking at Baekhyun’s reaction. “Did you think I didn’t know you like it when I call you that?” He nipped at his ear, and dipped his voice low again, “You’re always so _obvious_ about everything. I love that.”

“Fuck,” said Baekhyun incoherently, wrapping one leg around Jongin and chasing his lips again.

They kissed zealously, then Baekhyun said- straight from the synapse- “I’d like you to suck me off.”

“Yes sir,” breathed Jongin, unbuttoning Baekhyun’s shirt and trailing kisses down his chest, “one blowjob, served hot.” Baekhyun laughed, running his hair through Jongin’s dark locks, blood rushing south at that mussed up look on him. Jongin pulled Baekhyun’s zipper down with his teeth, looking up at him with his lips pulled back, almost snarling. Baekhyun gripped his hair again, smouldering, desperately needing to ground himself.

Once Jongin took him into his mouth, he was glad he’d had the foresight to balance himself beforehand. His head hit the wood of the door; he couldn’t feel his legs anymore. “W-we’ll… be seeing each other… again, right?” he whimpered. “Jongin.” Jongin hummed around him, eyelids fluttering, fanning a fire low in his abdomen.

“Gonna come,” gasped Baekhyun, when Jongin skimmed his fingers over his thighs, when he lay his tongue flat against the slit at the head. It was too much, Jongin was too beautiful; Jongin’s sumptuous, stretched lips and the sheen of sweat on his gorgeous skin- too, too beautiful.

Jongin took him in completely again, nosing his crotch, and swallowed around him, hollowing his cheeks. The next moment, he was swallowing again, gulping down Baekhyun’s come while Baekhyun bit into his fist and tried not to explode while literally exploding.

Jongin sucked him right through his orgasm, sucked him dry. Baekhyun slid down the door, weak-kneed. The edges of his vision were still white.

Jongin wiped his mouth, then gathered Baekhyun up in his arms and carried him into the bedroom.

“Wanna touch you too,” Baekhyun said sleepily, as Jongin tucked him into bed.

“Next time,” said Jongin, getting into bed next to him and smoothing his hair back from his forehead. “You already groped me today.” He giggled when Baekhyun pouted at that, burying his face in his pillow at the promise of a next time.

“What are you into though?” said Baekhyun after surfacing.

“You mean like how you get off on being called _sir_?”

Baekhyun blushed. “Meanie! Don’t make fun of me.”

Jongin smirked, petting him. He traced Baekhyun’s neck as though taking note of where he wanted to mark him, stopping at the spot his collarbones met. He pressed there, softly, and watched Baekhyun’s adam apple leap.

“Artichoke me, daddy,” said Baekhyun, against his better judgement.

Jongin shook his head. “How did you know the way to my heart was through pizza puns?”

Baekhyun kicked in the sheets. “I said stop making fun of me!” Jongin threaded his fingers through his hair with a fond smile, calming him.

After a minute, Baekhyun turned towards him, still red in the face. “What do you like for breakfast?”

“You,” said Jongin, booping him lightly.

Baekhyun scrunched his nose. “You’re so cheesy!” He threw a pillow at Jongin in a fit and flopped back, face down, into his own. But he didn’t protest when Jongin spooned him, flipping him gently onto his side and winding his arms around Baekhyun’s waist.

“So are we boyfriends now?”

Jongin hummed into his hair. Baekhyun pouted. “I want you to _say itttt_. Are we boyfriends now?”

“Yes, sir. Now go to sleep. I'll wake you in a couple of hours for dinner.”

Baekhyun gave his pillow a dopey grin before shutting his eyes and curling back into Jongin.

 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> everyone kneads a few pizza puns in their life.
> 
> i've got a [twitter](https://twitter.com/trashsshi) and [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/trashsshi)
> 
> thank you to the Mods for being so patient with me, giving me an extension and being so encouraging <3 i had a lovely experience writing for this fest.  
> thank you to the prompter- for prompting kaibaek (!!!<333) and for such a SPLENDIFEROUS HILARIOUS prompt; it took me all of 0.3 seconds to fall in love with it and commit to pouring my soul into writing it and it was so much fun to write!! let me gift you this fic with all my heart ahbdjhvjak  
> a huge thank you to my betas, Sha and Setty! i love you girls >3> you noticed things in the fic i'd never have caught, and you motivated me until the finish line!


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